Hello again!
It's this time of the year again in the Pacific Northwest. Lots of rain, gray, and darkness on the western side of WA. I also seem to get lethargic this time of year. The good news this year is that my doctor and I have a proactive plan to combat me being Bipolar and this time of year. Last year, I waited until mid January before I met with my Doctor to see if he could change my meds or do something. This year I am taking double the Vitamin D, Vitamin K, and a certain kind of powder Vitamin C in addition my my regular meds. By the way, I changed Doctors over 2 years ago and it have been a good thing in many ways. He took me off of all the meds my previous Doctor put me on or reduced the dose. I have my life back for the most part. I am not as checked out or numb. It was a long process to reduce my meds because for 10 years or more I was overmedicated. Now I feel like I can let go of shame more frequently or at least recognize my automatic thought process when I default to doom and gloom thinking. I also am able to live in the present much more. I took up playing tennis again for a year until I totaled my Tundra and tore my labrum. I haven't got back to playing tennis again, but I will before Christmas. This new Doctor says being Bipolar is actually a “gift.” I see what he means...creativity, people skills, overcoming adversity, youthful disposition....I had so much shame for so long...that taking a more natural approach, less meds, and more physical activity...I have been more alive. I even have contemplated if I should still be married or not....I have made efforts to change and it feels good inside and out. I doubt I will end my marriage with two young boys in the house...and...I know my wife loves me and I love her. Overall, this winter season I will test this new concoction and see if I can endure these several months. My Doctor did say if I get depressed like last year, he has a med I can take for a week that bolts me out of the darkness, but I am trying to avoid that if I can? A close cousin of mine, the same age as me, died a month ago due to heart failure. My family asked me to do the Eulogy and it was an honor. But the truth is for 5 weekends straight....usually on a Saturday night, I got drunk on Vodka soda waters and lime -and- Crown Royal – with my brother/cousins. I was processing this loss and I even went to Vegas and blacked out on Fremont Street. I have no idea where I was or what I did for 2 hours. I remember calling and getting into the Uber, but I arrived back in the Hotel on the Strip at 3:41 a.m. The next day I had the shakes and I felt like shit. So the goal I made when I got home from Vegas was to limit my drinking to 1 day in November and 1 day in December. So far so good. Honestly, why be proactive with all these meds, Vitamins, exercise, etc. just to drink my soul away? I love booze and to check out and laugh with my cousins/brothers...maybe a little too much. In truth, not much good comes from drinking alcohol. Being Bipolar I have lots of addictive tendencies...technology, alcohol, gambling, and whatever I can't get my mind off of. The good news it to try to balance life....everything in moderation...my pie of life. I am not sure what Bipolar is like for others who have it...but I refuse to let it define me.