The SUN is out!
I am typing this at my dining room table sitting in the sunshine! This is Western WA and it feels good to be in the light. I kicked ass as work already, cooked some things for dinner, ran an errand, plan to walk tonight with my wife...I think the sunshine will hold up. I must say I made a change in my Psychiatrist over 3 years ago now. Life has been restored. Per his recommendation I reading Anthony William's Medical Medium...I read the first few chapters and the rest pertain directly to life/health issues....gut issues, unhealthy metals in the body, PTSD, natural foods, and other various health/body/mind issues. I need to buy a juicer...for the 3rd time in my life. Ha! I think about how I spent 15 years on SO MUCH medication...thinking I needed to do “whatever” the Psychiatrist said. In my 20's I was wild...like most...but I needed a new direction...I was going to bars weekly, coaching/teaching, never saying no...and it caught up with me. I met a good Psychiatrist and he helped me greatly....made me face my denial/shame of having Bi-Polar disorder or at least slowing down and healing. I moved and got a new Psychiatrist in Federal Way by just looking up one in the yellow pages/website. I went to him for over ten years and he put me on more medicine and then he gave me more on top of that....he was all about money. Over the 10 years, I was successful at work, but that was about it....my marriage suffered, my time as an early dad I was check out and numb. I didn't see it because I was following “Dr.'s Orders” and kept up with what he recommended. I held too much stock in what medicine is supposed to do...in other words, I wasn't in control of my life and had very little feelings. I had a huge job with tons of conflicts, community involvement, late night functions, weekend functions...sure I loved the attention and money, but I gave it all away for a chance to live a better life...and to get to know my boys and wife better. It has taken 3 years for me to come out of this....I am glad I have learned that medicine is 1/3 of it....healthy lifestyle (food/exercise)is another 1/3 and the last 1/3 of being content and mentally healthy is a combination of things....lower stress, Spiritual beliefs, stable marriage or relationships, good core of trusted friends, and SUNSHINE! This winter is the best I have felt forever....I drink a quart of water with lemon or lime juice before breakfast...then once i get a juicer I will drink 16 ounces of Celery Juice...then follow some of supplements I see in the book....this is WAY MORE realistic and inspiring to me than taking tons of Risperdol and Lorazapam. I hope I learn to take care of myself as well as my wife takes care of herself....I do like Vodka on weekends and a little midnight smoke to listen to music or watch a comedy....I am currently doing DRY January though and have only cheated 1 night. I am totally in touch with myself in terms of that “devil” and “angel” who sit on my shoulders everyday and talk to me about my options. What I have discovered about myself is that I have repeatedly been in my own way for years and I get complacent. But not necessarily when there is SUNSHINE. Ideally, I love 4 seasons...I grew up in that climate and never new how awesome living in 4 seasons for 25 years meant to me! In June I was 30 pounds lighter than I am now...I totally derailed over the Holidays...on purpose...but now I need get my butt in gear and play tennis, go to the gym, walk, and eat well. There is a wedding in July and my HS reunion too this summer...I'd like to feel good about myself during those two things....It will take some effort, but I think I'm up for the challenge...I did it last year, but gave up...stress, not the most stable marriage, kids, work, and self-sabotaging. The best part about right now is that the SUN is out and I'm listening to music alone in my house....I enjoy working from home when everybody is gone...Today is a great day...time to get outside!